New Teaser! Book Coming 2014!!

Lark~ “Patient 135 is coding again. Someone page Dr. Robbins! I think his heart stopped again!!” Nurses and doctors are scrambling to make it to save the life of whomever is patient 135. Just as I finish my thought, I glance down at the post-it that evil witch gave me at the reception desk on the main floor to find, “ANTHONY TAYLER ICU PATIENT 135 - DR. ROBBINS”. Immediately, everything around me went black.

Are YOU Patiently Waiting!!!

Hey Scroll Readers! I know it's been a while since you last got an update on Niko, Chase, Lark, and Racqui! Trust me... they have definitely been going through some things and I am working my hardest to try and bring it all to you raw and uncut! I'll try to post a few updates here and there but Racqui has requested I publish her story in a book. So my focus has been on getting her story out to the world. Please forgive me for my neglect and know that it is only because I am working hard to bring you a GREAT read! Thanks for staying loyal! I'll be in touch very soon!... God Bless ~Write Out Loud~

Niko & Larks 1st Date

Fresh out the shower, I douse myself with a little Gucci Rush cologne and check my waves one last time to make sure they'll make muthafuckas "sea sick".  My shit waves up nice.  Most niggas have to get a kit to make their bebe's look like waves.  I just hit mines with a little water, some wave grease, and a do-rag flipped inside out for about 20 minutes and my shit looks like somebody gave me finger waves.  My moms got decent hair but my pops side of the family has the Native American gene that was passed down to most of us.  It's a few Lawson's walking around here with that kinky shit but most of them got that from their other side.  While I'm waiting on my waves to marinate I jump down in my fresh pressed dark denim 501 Levi's,  a grey-black-red hooded Polo sweater with a coordinated black tee underneath.  I slide my 10 1/2 polo covered foot in my black Polo boots to seal the deal.  Ms. Lark says she doesn't like waiting so I had to snatch up something simple.  Luckily, I had just made a cleaners run earlier today.  Had I not, I would have had to hit up the mall for a fresh fit.  Anybody who knows me knows that I am never off my square.  Staying fly at all times is a must.  I went through enough poverty stricken times when I was a child to know that it was not something I wanted to relive in my adult life.  So my MO has always been to make more than I spend, save half of what I make in the event of a drought season, pay my bills 2 months in advance, and to keep me and my daughters wardrobe on point.  I don't fuck around when it comes to any of that.  My daughter will never live the way we lived.  Not as long as I'm alive. 

An hour has passed since I ditched my fam and went to get fresh for my date with Ms. Lark.  I have to admit, I'm pretty excited about getting up with Red but I can't let her know that.  The main rule my pops taught me was to never let a female know how much you are digging her.  Once she realizes that you are more into her than she is in to you it's a wrap.  She'll have you doing all kinds of shit that you don't want to do.  To keep control you have to maintain suspense.  I had to be sure I was on my A game before I pulled up to her spot so puffed the last of my little joint from earlier to calm my nerves. I'm picking her up from her Aunt's house so I didn't want to smoke too much in the event I had to greet someone.  Just to be sure I didn't smell like weed, I have my travel sized bottle of Gucci Rush to freshen up with.  I mean, my mama did raise me with a few manners.  So I pull up in front of the crib and I see the little boy that was trailing behind her playing in the yard with some little girl.  Looks like they are playing hide and go seek or some shit.  But as soon as little dude spots me he breaks out for the front door yelling to the top of his lungs, "Laaaaaa Laaaaaa!! Laaaaaa Laaaaaaaa!! That boy in the white car you was talking to is out hereeee!!!! Laaaaa Laaaaaa!!!!".  He's running at break neck speed trying to let his sister know about my arrival.  By the time I get out of the car and head towards the door I see a lady that appears to be her aunt even though she looks very young.  I mean seriously, I was expected some fat lady in a duster to come to the door.  To my surprise,  this lady was kind of fly.  She has a tiny waist, nice firm thighs, and a fat ass to boot.  In my mind I was like "Dayuumm Ma".  I hope my eyes didn't express my excitement.  I can see the resemblance between her and Lark, even though it's just her aunt.  Determined to give a positive impression I extend my hand and say, "Hello ma'am, how are you?  I'm Ni… uh hmm.. Keniko… I'm here to pick up Lark".  With the sweetest and mosting inviting smile she shakes my hand and says "Ohhh, hi Keniko.  Lark is almost ready.  Please, come in and take a seat.  I'll let her know you are here".  I step inside the modest home.  The decor is really nice but simple as the smell of Glade Plug In's fill the air with the scent of Bahama Breeze.  After waiting about 15 minutes, Lark finally erupts from the back room.  When I tell you lil mama is a bad piece of work please believe it.  She makes all these tramps around her look like mud ducks.  I thought baby girl was looking good when I stopped her walking down this street but then she went and switch shit all the way up on me.  She is now rocking a pair of royal blue body hugging jeans, some sort of yellow, white, black, and royal blue slouch shirt, some black booties adding about three inches to her frame, and her hair is wrapped up into a cute fun to show off her round face and gorgeous skin.  Her dangling gold earrings and little black purse finish off the look just right.  Lil mama is bad and she know it.  I think that's what makes her so hot.  Her confidence is on 10 and that shit makes my dick hard.  We exchange good-bye's with her Aunt and head to the car.  Like a true gentleman I allow her to walk out the door first and down the stairs.  Who the fuck am I kidding. I mean, I'm a gentleman and all but I let her walk in front of me so that I can get an unclose look at that ass in them jeans.  My dick instantly jumps at the sight of her ass swinging back and forth.  I have to be careful not to let that head take over for the one on my shoulders tonight.  I'm trying to make this more than a hit and run.  Baby girl got my attention.

"So where are you taking me? I don't do fast food and I don't do movies not the first date", Lark said matter of factly.  "Well, luckily for you Miss Thang, I didn't plan to do fast food or the movies tonight.  I got this.  Just get in and let me handle the rest, aight"?  Chick is feisty.  It's cute right now but I'm going to have to turn that shit down a notch when we get serious.  I got Tupac's "Me Against the World" bumping right now.  She seems to be vibing to it so I'll save Jodeci for the wrap up tonight.  I take her to Cape to eat at my favorite Chinese restaurant.  Lucky China is one of the nicer restaurants in the area and they have the best sweet and sour chicken between here and St. Louis.  We seem to be vibing during dinner.  I notice she tends to avoid directly answering questions about her parents or her upbringing.  She only said that she's lived with her dad the last few years and that her aunt helps her dad out when he takes trips out of town.  I know Tony from hanging out in the bottom before I did my bid.  He is a cool cat if memory serves me correctly.  Before I left, he was just a lady's man and tooted a little powder here and there.  He held a steady job at Niranda for a long time from what I can remember.  I didn't know they did traveling.  I didn't want to pry into her dad's life story though.  My goal was to get to know Ms Larkin and what I needed to do to make her mines.  I'm already a sucka for her smile.  Who knows what the future may hold.  We wrap up dinner and decide to ride down near the river walk.  We were going to take a stroll but it's damn there 20 degrees outside.  We both decided we'd let the white people have that shit.  We find a spot to park and just scope the scene and continue our conversation from dinner.  Honestly, I'm not even hearing shit she's saying.  All I can think about is how good her lip gloss will look on her lips while she's slobbing on my knob.  I want shorty bad but she says she's planning to get married in a few months.  I don't know what kind of nigga is cool with his fiancé going on a date with another nigga.  This shit wouldn't be going down at all if she were with me.  At the same time, i'm questioning her dedication to the nigga because she could have easily shut me down.  That tells me I got a chance.  And guess what?  I'm gone muthafucking take it.  "You are so beautiful Ms. Larkin.  What kind of man would leave you unattended for nine whole month?", I say while caressing her hand.  "The kind of man that serves his country Mr. Keniko.  Besides, I'm grown.  I'm not in need of a baby-sitter" Lark said with words dripping of sarcasm.  "Well, if you were mines I would not have went to the military.  I wouldn't want to leave you alone for all these nigga to harass you and me not be here to protect you", I needed her to know that I was feeling her so that I could set up for my first kiss.  "So is that what you are doing?  Harassing me?".  I couldn't do anything but chuckle.  This girl is a fire cracker.  She's not even 18 yet and she got more fire than most 23 year olds I know.  Without warning or asking permission I lean in and kiss her.  To my surprise, she doesn't pull away.  As a matter of fact, she seems to be enjoying the exchange so I make no plans to stop thrashing her with my tongue anytime soon.  Just as the windows begin to fog up I get a page.  I ignore it because I want to give Lark my undivided attention.  Within 2 minutes I get another page.  I look down and both message are to call my mother and that it's urgent.  She doesn't send me 911 pages for just anything so I decide to cut things short with Lark and find a pay phone.  "Ma, I got your message. What's up? I'm - ".  "Niko, I need you to get home now.  It's Kaniya.  Hurry, please!!".   I'm hearing a lot of commotion in the background while my mom is telling me what's going on.  Then all of a sudden the phone disconnects.  I tried to call back twice but the line is busy.  Trying not to panic, I make the 30 minute drive from Cape to Sikeston in 19 minutes.  On the way home I told Lark I have to go handle some personal business and I'll hit her up when I'm free.  She seems annoyed by me not giving her details on why I'm cutting our date short but the less she knows the better.  I'll feel her in if and when necessary.  Right now, I have to see about my baby.  I speed off heading straight to moms crib.  My first concern is my daughter.  After I know she's safe I have to round  my niggas up.  All I'm seeing is red so muthafucka's better be ready for my wrath. 

Racqui's Promise of Love

Racqui - The Promise of Love

So it's Valentines Day and I'm headed to Decatur to spend the weekend with my boo.  The last time Chase and I saw each other was a week ago. He came to Indianapolis to visit me for the weekend.  Even though it's only been four days, it feels like an eternity.  I think the bond we have is what makes our time apart seem so torturous.  We actually communicate and have spent all this time for the past year and 5 months getting to really know one another.  There is no pressure behind being with him.  We both get to be ourselves.  And we spend time doing things like traveling, shopping, going to the movies, listening to music, or just laying on the hood of his car talking while we cuddle and stare at the stars.  Yet, although there is no pressure, the sexual tension in the air is super thick.  I've been hinting for the past few months that I'm ready to surrender myself to him but Chase, for some reason is not having it.  He keeps telling me I need to be sure.  I don't know how much longer I can hold out.  My mind is starting to be consumed by all thoughts of sex: will it hurt, what is it like, what if he's too big, will it be a gush of blood, will I cry, will I do it right.  The list goes on and on.  I think the fact that he wants me to be absolutely sure is sweet and super romantic.  It makes me love him that much more.  However, I have met my goal of turning 18 and I know he is the guy.  So the fact that he is so strong about waiting makes me think it's some slick shit going on.  As I said before, most boys don't turn down pussy.  They especially don't turn down virgin pussy!  I think I'm going to have to put my eyes and ears to the streets and see exactly what it is that Mr. Chase is doing when I'm away because shit just is not adding up. In the interim, he's asked what time I plan to get there and seems to be eagerly awaiting my arrival.  What he doesn't know is that his twin Chelsea called me the other day and said she saw some jewelry receipts in his room.  She said she couldn't tell what it was that he bought but she knows that whatever it was it must be something major for someone important because the receipt showed one item which cost like $1200 and he wasn't wearing anything knew.  I kind of hate that she gave me a hint but at the same time I'm a little excited to see what's going on.  Maybe I got those diamond studs I wanted out of Von Maur.  Chase was notorious for buying me things that I point out days before and surprising me with them.  I guess what they say is true… I'm spoiled.

I hit town around 6:45 and as usual I slid through my granny's to drop off my bags and show love to whoever was there and then I headed over to Chases's mama's house to see my other family.  I can go there whether Chase is home or not.  There have been plenty of times I've sat on the porch or in the kitchen and just talked with his mom or hung out with one of his sisters. Chelsea and I are pretty close too.  After she used me in high school to spy on her now-babydaddy, Todd, we managed to form a pretty tight bond.  I'm close with his sister Bea too.   And it just so happens that she is his closest confidant, other than his twin, being that she is the closest to him and Chelsea in age.  By having those two in my corner I get the scoop on everything. Actually, I'm cool with everybody but Chelsea, Bea, and Mrs. G are my dawgs.  We are just cool like that. Anyways, I pull up and park on the side of the road in front of the huge two story white house trimmed in blue with the open front porch and immediately notice the Capris is gone but Chelsea's black Malibu is parked in the driveway near the porch steps.  Bea is on the porch, along with their mom, Chelsea and her daughter, Raven, waiting for Mrs. G to open the door.  Based on the bags they are carrying I'm assuming they just wrapped up some grocery shopping. It's a nice cold day in Decatur and the breeze is zipping through just enough to make it feel like it's colder than 40 degrees.  I hop out my powder blue Mazda Protege`dressed for the weather in my dark blue fitted Levi 501's, an oversized burnt orange woven sweater with a hoodie, and my brown Coach riding boots with the matching Coach satchel purse and my dark brown Goose Down coat with the fur hoodie draped over my shoulder.  I help grab the last few bags out of the car and make my way in the house to get comfortable.  I hit Chase on his Sky Pager from the house phone to let him know I was at the house.  He pulled up about 15 minutes later with a grin on his face that immediately made me suspicious.  I knew he was up to something, thanks to Chelsea, but I didn't know what and I was dying inside.  He walks up to me and gives me the most tender hug and a sweet kiss on the forehead.  He had this bad habit of running one of his hands up the nape of my neck and rubbing my hair or grasping a small handful with just enough intensity to set off fireworks when we kissed or hugged.  Between that and the forehead kiss I was puddy in his hands.  As usual, Chelsea was a hater and yelled "GET A ROOM!!" after catching the tail end of our affectionate exchange.  Chase and I both just chuckled and shook our head.

When Chase grabs my hand and leads me towards his bedroom I begin to feel butterflies flutter in my stomach.  I know something major is about to happen, I don't know what, but I know it's something.  The thing is, I can't let him know that Chelsea gave me the scoop on the jewelry purchase or it will crush him and they'll end up fighting.  So I have to pretend to be totally surprised.  Like I said, I'm dying in side.  The first thing he does is turn on the stereo.  He put on one of our favorite songs by Usher, "The Many Ways".  Normally, he left he door open as required by his mother but today was different.  He closed the door and turned off the lights so that only the daylight from outside lit the room.  He came over and kissed me slowly.  In between breath's he asked me questions like "How much do you love me?" and  "Are you sure you are ready for this?",  The kiss was so tender and so sensual.  At the same time our eyes were locked onto one another.  If either of us blinked I don't think we knew it.  Shortly into the mesmerizing tantric kiss the clothes burning began.  It would be the first time that we would exchange a rhythmic horizontal dance ever since we've been together.  Before he would always stop it before it started.  So as one would imagine, I'm about to fucking explode right now while I think to myself "This is it! Right here, right now, with his mama and half of his family in the next room".  Just as that thought crossed my mind he stopped and said, I just wanted to make sure you were really ready.  He said when we make love for the first time it will be right and it won't be in a bedroom at his mama's house because then we can't be free in our experience.  My first thought was "Dammit!!".  My second was, "I'd be so embarrassed walking out of here thinking they all know that I am no longer a virgin!".  I got up, grabbed his brush and proceeded to fix my ponytail when he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to his lap.  There was this look in his eye.  A look I had never seen before… like a nervous type of look.  This must be the moment that I find out what this jewelry purchase is all about.  I place my arm around his shoulder and face him to give my undivided attention.  He looks me in my eyes and tells me how much he loves me and how when he thinks of me he can't imagine a day without me in his life.  He loves the way he feels around me, he loves the fact that my family loves him and his loves me.  He enjoys the late night phone calls and the road trips we spend talking about our future or just catching up from the time we miss while I'm in Indy and he's in Decatur.  He then asks if I still want him to move to Indy so that we can get a place together.  I answer yes with tears in my eyes.  He asks me can I see myself with him forever.  I answer yes again, tears flowing now.  He asks me if I'm ready for a true commitment of monogamy and loyalty and if I was willing to wear a symbol of that commitment.  As I say yes, this time with a face full of tears, he pulls out a small black velvet jewelry box and pops it open, revealing a gorgeous 3 carat princess cut solitaire diamond ring.  He grabs my hand and asks me to be his one and only lady by accepting this promise ring as a testament of our love and commitment to one another.  Without hesitation I say yes and proceed to kiss him; my heart is overjoyed and overwhelmed with what just transpired.  He quickly stops me to tell me there is more.  He pulls out a long black velvet box and says when he was shopping for the ring he was drawn to another piece that was so beautiful, and because not buying the ring was not an option, he had to buy it too.  He opened the box and inside was the most beautiful 3 carat white gold  and diamond tennis bracelet.  It was flawless.  The bracelet was my valentines gift and the promise ring was his confirmation of me as his gift.  I was so elated.  I think there was a moment or two where my breath was taken away.  To be 18 yet so romantic and considerate and confident… it was just the most secure feeling.  As I admired the ring sparkled on my right ring finger and the bracelet that now shimmered on my left wrist Chase grabbed my face and told me that he loved me.  He also reassured me that the moment for us to make love would be soon.  He reminded me that he knew how important it was for it to be a special and memorable moment for me and that is what he intended to give me.  He suggested I start looking for an apartment because he would be ready to move by the summer which was only 3 months away.  I felt like I was living in a fantasy land.  I was prepared to be asked for my hand in marriage.  Even though I feel like I'm too young for marriage I was prepared to say yes, only because I know this is my prince.  At the same time, I am relieved that he chose to solidify our relationship with a promise ring first.  It gives us both time to live our lives as young adults but still be committed to one another until we are ready for the next step.

As I agree with his suggestion we exchange a sensual kiss once more and then decide to head out to get something to eat.  As soon as I open the door Chelsea comes flying around the corner trying to figure out what I got from the jewelry store.  I didn't tell her.  I let her look me over and figure it out. The first thing she went for was my left ring finger.  She totally missed the bracelet.  She looked at my right hand and started cheesing like it was for her.  Finally realizing the bracelet she whispers to me "He really loves you because he's never bought any girl any kind of jewelry before except me and mama!".  I felt even more special at that moment.  I began to soak up the fact that I was officially committed to Mr. Chase Glliam.  The females in Decatur are really going to hate me now.  Just as I started to chuckle about that thought Chase emerged from the room and scolded Chelsea for being nosey.  For embarrassing her she yelled and told Ms. G that the bedroom door had been closed, in an attempt to get Chase in trouble.  Ms. G kindly reminded Chase of expectations in her thick West Indian accent and moved on. As Chelsea began her tantrum about how Chase never gets in trouble but if that had been her and Todd her mother would begin to beat her, Chase and I walked out of the house hand and hand.  We were both on cloud 20 and Chelsea was not allowed to steal that moment, not today!

Fresh on the block w/ Keniko Lawson aka Niko

Niko

2/7/2013

Man it feels good to be home. Everything looks so different. Seems like I've been gone for more than four years.  At the same time, I'm glad it's only been four years. I don't know how much longer I would have lasted in Missouri State Penitentiary. I just knew that when I got popped in that raid back in 1992 that I was going to be looking at no less than 15 years. After all, they did find 100 pounds of weed, 35 pounds of cocaine and almost 30 pounds of heroin at the main stash spot. Just so happens no one was inside the building when the raid jumped off. Everybody was outside barbecuing, dancing, and playing games.  During the summer holidays my family does what most call a community give back by giving food away in the hood. I had just hollered at a junkie and was walking off when I saw dozens of cars coming from every direction with flashing lights and men jumping out with DEA vests all yelling "Get down on the ground, NOW!!". I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I seems like they sent the feds, the highway patrol, the state, city, and county pd, and muthafucka's that was in training for titles as small as traffic cops to bust the block. I was scared as hell too.  I mean, I always knew getting busted was a possibility but so far I had been able to stay under the radar.  Shit, I've been slanging since I was 12.  You could say it is hereditary because my entire family is involved one way or another.  I started off running numbers and dime bags of weed for my grandparents.  That only lasted a few months though. Once they knew I was able to move around without bringing attention to myself I was able to get my own work to move.  In the beginning, I only got a cut off the profit because I was just a runner.  Usually it was $5 for every delivery.  Hell, $5 was a lot at 12 years old. Especially if you are making 20 runs a day.  Who wouldn't be excited about making $100 a day just for riding their bike around the neighborhood.  On the weekends I made as much as $250 since there was no school.  My mama wasn't too excited about it at first but she was struggling trying to raise me and my little sister on government assistance.  She never had extra money to buy things we wanted and everything she did buy was generic.  At 12 years old, it wasn't cool going to school with Wal-Mart or Dollar Store clothes on.  And I was one of the popular kids so I had an image to keep.  According to state and county records, I was suppose to be part of the schools program that assisted needy children.  Once a year, they would take a select bunch of low income kids on a bus trip to PayLess and buy us the grey tennis shoes with the two velcro straps on them and the little mouse on the side called Pac Rats.  Nigga's got jumped at recess for shit like that and they couldn't hang with the cool nigga's at school.  And I'm a cool nigga.  Most of my homies didn't know I was suppose to be on that bus because I never ever got on it.  My pops made sure I kept at least two pair of fresh kicks and the latest gear throughout the school year. He just wasn't too big on making sure my mama had money to handle the other shit.  She called him a sorry bastard for not helping her out more with me and my sister but to me he was a smooth ass pimp.  The females stayed fighting over him.  All of them thought they were his main broad but he told me he was just really good at making them all feel special.  Turns out he just needed them all to hold his product at their crib.  In return, he fucked them real good once or twice a week and gave them a little change here and there to keep them satisfied.  That was all he had to do to have them hypnotized under his spell.  Seeing how he kept the ladies drooling, phat pockets with knots of money, and stayed fresh with cars and minks and the latest fashion made me want to be just like him.  And he was glad to have me as his protege.  He was the one who convinced my G'Pop to let me run numbers.  I remember my G'Pop's words like it was yesterday… "I'mma try you out boy.  See how ya do.  You can't be running ya mouth to ya friends or ya mama about what ya doing.  You get in, count ya money, do ya drop, you get out, and you bring the money back to me.  You have any problems you come get Bull and he'll handle it. If you do good I'll let ya move some big boy shit.  But before I give ya tha first job ya gotta swear to the family pact.  No matter what happens… even if you get popped… you don't tell NOBODY where ya got ya work from. Ya dig?  Us Lawson's ain't no fucking snitches.  The police get paid to figure shit out so let them do their fucking job.  Ya hear me boy?".  I was in a trance and I don't know if it was because I was finally about to get into the family business, the instructions I just got from my own G'Pop to not turn him in if I got caught, or the plaid pants with the silk shirt  and gold chains trapped in his nappy chest hair and the matching afro that had me gone.  Either way, I took my first package and I hadn't looked back to life before that moment until I had my face in the dirt with the cops knee in my back as he secured those silver bracelets around my wrist.  I immediately turned back to that 12 year old innocent little boy and wanted my mama to come and save me.  I was 18 and fresh out of high school headed to the state pen.  I probably should count myself lucky because before I detoured to serve that junkie  I was headed to one of my stash spots to re-up.  Had I re-upped, I would have had damn there 100 grams of crack on me.  It was the Fourth of July and the streets was booming with junkies wanting to get high for Independence Day. I wanted to make sure I was ready.  Since I made the detour they could only charge me with the 10 grams in my pocket.  And because I was only 18 and it was my first offense the prosecutor cut me a deal for five years with a requirement to serve four and probation for one if I had good behavior.  They released me four months earlier than scheduled due to overcrowding since instead of coming home in June as planned I was released February 1st, the day before my mama's birthday.  If I didn't take the plea I was looking at 15 years of my life behind bars.  

I've been home for a week now and I've already had more than a few reality checks but the worst of them all was seeing my baby mama.  Before I went in, I had this bad red bone chick named Tomicka.  She was 5'4 with thick legs, a tight stomach, beautiful thick long black hair, round dark brown eyes and lips that made any man dream of having them wrapped around his dick even if only for one minute.  We had been fucking since I was 16 and she was 15. She had just had my daughter, Kaniya two weeks after we graduated.  I had just gave her the money to get us an apartment two weeks before the raid.  After I got popped, she promised to hold me down with letters and visits and pictures until I finished my bid. We agreed that she would still get the apartment since she had the baby and her mama was an unstable junkie that I didn't want my baby around. I told her I'd have my mama make sure she had what she needed to pay her rent and utilities and take care of the baby until I made it back home.  I was one of the smart hustler's. I flossed a little bit but I always put half of my profit away for a rainy day.  I knew shit wouldn't be good forever and I didn't want to leave my mama or my girl hanging if I was no longer around.  At first the letters came twice a week and I had visits from Tomicka, the baby, and my mama every Saturday morning as promised. After about a year and six months, it was just my daughter and my mama.  When I asked where Tomicka was my mama would say, "she claims she had to work" but I could tell by her expression that she didn't believe that shit.  Honestly, once the letters went from twice a week to once a month and only discussed how much money she needed I didn't believe it either.  Eventually they stopped coming all together.  My mama would tell me that Micka started asking for money on a consistent basis to buy Niya things but after about a year it started to become excessive. She went from $50 up to $200- $300 every other day.  When my mama told her she would pay the bills directly to the billers and buy all of Niya's necessities herself Micka flipped out and disappeared for a few weeks.  One Friday night she showed up with my baby and some bags and told my mama she could raise Niya because she couldn't afford it. Apparently, after a year of cold sheets Tomicka decided she needed somebody new so she started fucking with this up and coming baller named Fred.  She had the nigga in my bed, around my daughter, and riding in the whips that I bought with my money.  I guess she thought the nigga could hold her down until I got home but she was mistaken. Turns out, ole boy liked to use his product more than he liked to sell it.  After about three months of fucking with Micka he had her smoking weed laced with cocaine.  Within six months she was smoking the pipe.  After a year she graduated to heroine and started shooting the shit in her arms.  My mama didn't want to tell me she Micka was turned out but after so long of reading between the lines and getting letters from other females in the hood that wanted me to know how fucked up my baby mama was I had no choice but to accept the fact that the girl I thought I was coming home to was now a junkie just like her own mama.  Instinct is a muthafucka because I almost gave her access to my stash spots and something told me not to.  Still, I didn't think she would get fucked up in the game like that.  That shit hurts me so bad.  The first day I came home she came running to me offering to suck my dick for a rock.  I wanted to throw up.  I knew this girl since she was in grade school, was the first to pop her cherry, had a beautiful daughter buy her, and now she's a crack head.  You could tell she was beautiful at one point but now she looks like the walking dead.  I couldn't even respond to her request.  I just walked away.  At this point my only focus is to raise my daughter and stack this paper.  I have to get me a spot, buy another car, and get my wardrobe together.  My mama copped this Camry with my stash money before I came home so I could move around but I need a bucket to move my work in.  I've been kicking' it with my cousins that are just jumping into the game.  They've been schooling me on the latest females to breach puberty and the undercover crackheads that are new to the scene.  We've been bussin' blocks all day and I keep seeing the same tired ass chicks trying to holla. Most of them are either too young, too old, or too ran through.  Don't no nigga want pussy with high mileage.  Just like a car, it's only good for so long. As soon as we turn the corner onto Murray Lane I see this nice thick red bone with a stroller and a little boy struggling to keep up with her fast paced strut.  You can tell she has major attitude by the way her pony tail is dancing back and forth with each step she takes and how she has her face screwed up.  She was pissed about something but I didn't care.  That shit was a turn on.  She looked a little young but baby girl was fine as hell.  My cousin Rico gave me the scoop on her real quick before I stopped the car.  He told me their birthday is 6 days after his so that means she turns 18 in three months which, in my mind, means she is legal.  And if she's not married yet then she is free game.  I roll down my window, flash my smile with my two gold fangs sparkling and ask her for her number.  She was a little hesitant but she gave it to me anyway with a little pressure and told me she didn't like to be kept waiting before she walked off.  I got the hint and went straight to the hood to drop my cousins off.  They called me all kinds of punk muthafucka's but I didn't get care.  I was headed to the crib for a quick shower and change of clothes so that I could scoop Ms. Lark up for the evening.  I needed a new wifey and today was her lucky day! 

Write Out Loud ~ Scroll Diaries

Introducing Larkin Taylor aka Lark

I can't believe daddy is doing this shit again.  You would think after almost 15 years of the same damn thing a person would get tired.  I mean seriously, my mom left him before I turned 5-years old because he was a whore, he drank too much and he beat her.  His girlfriend left for the same reason as my mom within a year of them being together.  His second wife left him because he acquired a crack addiction, in addition to all the other shit, by the time I was 10 years old.  Every woman in his life has left for one or all of the aforementioned reasons.  In the midst of all that, me and Lil Tony have bounced back and forth between what should have been home and our Aunt Leah's house since 1982.  It was cool staying with her sometimes but most times I just wanted to have a normal life with a normal family.  For those who weren't close to me, it seemed like my life was just like theirs. But for those who were, they knew about all the times my daddy would disappear for days at a time on a crack binge.  He would get dressed for work in the mornings, drop me and Lil Tony off at school (and any of our inherited siblings that may have been staying with us), tell us he loved us and that he'll see us later. It took about three times for me to realize that if he kissed me and hugged me a little longer than normal on a Friday that I probably wouldn't see him until Monday or Tuesday of the next week. I guess that was his way of saying goodbye in case something were to happen to him. It's sad that he loves that damn pipe more than he does his own kids.  He's never even made arrangements for us to stay anywhere or make sure that we were ok before he disappears.  Maybe, because so many people knew what he was doing and stepped up to take us in, he didn't have a need to worry.  Aunt Leah's was our home away from home but I didn't like staying there too often.  She had two daughters but we didn't mesh well. Michelle, the oldest, thought she was Gods gift to the world and had a horrible attitude.  She was only four years older than me yet she made it seem like I was a baby compared to her.  The youngest, Nyla, was just supper spoiled.  She cried about anything that didn't go her way.  My brother already worked my nerves.  I wasn't too excited about having another person irritate me on a continuous basis.  To avoid being submersed in a variety of different attitudes and temperaments, I would ask Aunt Leah if I could hang out or spend the night with my best friend and closest cousin who lived four blocks over.  There were plenty of times that I spent the night with  my cousin Racqui.  Sometimes it would be weeknights and sometimes it would be the whole weekend.  Sometimes she would stay with me but it would only be when my daddy had a "responsible" girlfriend that her mom trusted.  No matter where we were, we always had a blast. We sang along with our cassette players, talked to boys on the phone, watch videos, or wrote letters in our journals while sharing with each other some of our deepest secrets.  I remember we use to sing and do the routine to "Just Kickin". And one of our favorite songs of all time is "Tonight is the night" by DJ Quik. Man those were the days. My girl is gone now. After Brandon passed, it was hard for her to attend the same high school where we all had built so many memories together.  I had to go to her locker for her to get her books because the one she was assigned was one row over from the lockers her and Brandon shared during our Sophomore year.  She would burst out crying every time she walked past anything that reminded her of him.  I think she only lasted the first week of our Junior year before her mom finally agreed to let her move to Decatur.   

After Racqui left I started hanging with the wrong females and ended up getting pregnant at the end of summer prior to our Junior year by a childhood friend who had just joined the military.  I spent my entire junior year as the pregnant 16 year old.  I turned 17 May 7, 1995 and had my baby four days later. He's eight months old now. I'm suppose to marry his father after I graduate this summer but I'm not too sure I want to do that. The thought of being tied to one man for the rest of my life as soon as I graduate seems like some Color Purple-slavery days type of shit. My mom, my Aunt Leah, and a few of my home girls think it's a good idea.  Racqui told me marriage was a huge commitment and suggested I journal about it to help me decide what it is that I really want to do without the opinion of others.  So I've just been using this last year of school to sort through everything.  I feel like I need to stay here until Lil Tony at least turns 16. That's only 4 years from now. After being clean for two years and having a good woman keep him focused on his rehab I thought things would finally be different. I just don't think I can deal with this crack shit any more. Not with me being a mother now. I don't want my baby growing up seeing the same shit I've seen. Like I said, I want a normal family and it's going to be anything but that if I stay here since my daddy is back to his old ways and binging for the weekend with this crackhead friends. This time his ass took my car because his Jag is broke down. I'm super pissed.  Now I have to walk with an eight month old baby and my 12 year old brother to my aunt's house just so that we won't be stuck at home for the weekend.  I would wait for my Aunt Leah to get off work but it's 60 degrees and sunny in February. We don't get days like this in the middle of winter very often. I am not trying to be cooped up in the house until 8pm. It'll be dark then.  So here I am crossing Murray Lane with a stroller and a straggling 12 year old in my dark blue french cuffed jeans covered with my black Ryder boots, accented with an oversized black and grey off the shoulder sweatshirt and matching black ribbed tank top underneath. My hair is pulled back into a cute, high pony tail and I have on my favorite pair of gigantic silver hoops.  If a bitch tell me I ain't cute, I'll gut her like a fish! Nah, I'm just kidding. Seriously though, they better not try it.  I wish Lil Tony would walk a little faster because he is cutting into my day time to get out into the streets by making this 15 minute walk turn into a 30  minute walk. Just as I turn around to yell at him for dragging his feet, I notice a brand new white Toyota Camry pulling up with three dudes in it. I recognize two of them from school but the third one is a new face.  Just so happens, that is the one trying to holla. He's cute, dark skinned, small framed, nice smile and has just enough swag.  He tells me his name is Keniko Lawson but his family calls him Niko for short.  His last name let me know he was related to the guys I went to school with and he was probably in the family business which explained the new car with the temp tag, blaring sound system, and rims.  The Lawson's had the crack, cocaine, and heroin game on lock.  Before I could finish my thoughts, Niko asked me for my number so that he could hit me up later. As I stated, I'm suppose to be getting married to my child's father in less than four months so that I can secure this nice, normal family that I have longed for since I was 5-years old.  I'm suppose to be a housewife married to a military man with the military discounts, nice house, good education for my child, and a comfortable lifestyle. Yes, that is what I want. I have no doubt that is what I want. So why on earth did I just give this man my number and then tell him that I don't like to be kept waiting? Not only am I engaged, not only do I have an eight month old son, not only is the man directly related to the largest drug cartel in the Bootheel and probably a supplier to my daddy's addiction but he's five years my senior.  Yet, something about him intrigues me. Something about him makes me want to see what he has to offer. Racqui may be right…. there is plenty of time for marriage. 

Write Out Loud ~ Scroll Diaries

A Moment with Chase

Chase

2/3/13 Blog Entry

It's been seven months since my baby, Racqui, graduated and moved from Decatur.  She didn't want to leave me but neither of us were prepared to be on our own or to live together.  But I don't think either of us were prepared for the emptiness we would feel once she was 4 1/2 hours away.  I'm use to having her two blocks over or 15 minutes across town. At least then I could figure out a way to get to her when I wanted to see her.  It's been times that I've rode a bike or caught rides from my homeboys just to see her smile. One time, I even talked my homie Lloyd into riding with me on a bike, in the middle of a thunder storm, with trash bags over our heads. It didn't take much to convince him though because he was trying to holla at both of her cousins at the time.  He was on the handle bars and I was pedaling his big ass across Water St over to Stuart. That was some funny shit.  My dude is wild.  I think that's why we click.  Neither one of us is afraid to take chances.  I recall another time I wanted to see Racqui really bad.  I was staying at my sister's house by McArthur and Raqui was about 15 miles across town at her aunt's house. Her aunt was at work until 3am and her grandmother had already did her daily visit to make sure Racqui, Nattie, and Tricie had ate and did their homework. I couldn't get my sister to drive me, none of my homeboy's with cars were answering the phone, and it was like 20 degrees outside. I was not in the mood to walk. Then suddenly I get this bright idea to ride the bike. Yes, again!! I made it there fine even though it took me 45 minutes of fighting icy roads and bone-cutting wind. Once I thawed out, Racqui and I layed in front of the floor model cassette/record player combo listening to the "My Life" album by Mary J. Blige and Intro's self titled album while we talked for a couple of hours. I spent a little time joking and talking to Nattie and Tricie. We kicked it until about 11:30pm, we kissed, and I headed home.  I made it about 5 miles from Racqui's house when I hit an ice patch and slide side-ways on my ass from one side of the street to the other. Talk about pissed. I had just bought this grey Polo sweat suit and these fresh ass blue and grey AirMaxx 95's earlier today and I bust my ass on a patch of dirty snow. Son of a bitch! I was hot. So hot, I took that damn bike and threw it behind the Domino's and walked the rest of the way home cursing to my damn self. I made it home about 1am damn there frozen to death. I called Racqui to tell her what happened and she laughed for about 10 minutes. I didn't mind. I love hearing her laugh. I remember another time I went to her job to see her. She worked at the McDonald's on Eldorado in the drive thru. When she worked on the weekends she wouldn't get off until 12 midnight. I couldn't wait that long. So what do I do? I go through the drive-thru and place an order just to make sure she's at the window so I don't waste a trip to the inside. Of course she recognized my voice but I think she expected me to be in a car. She was too tickled when she saw me roll my happy ass through the drive thru on my bike. As you can see, that was my mode of transportation before I got my box Chevy. Racqui didn't care that I didn't have a car and I didn't care what I had to do to see her. That's my baby. I fell in love with her the first day I saw her walking through the mall with her two cousins. I had never seen anyone so beautiful in my life. She was slim, with mocha brown skin, long pretty hair, beautiful light brown eyes, a cute little nose and she was dressed cute in her little cut-off jean shorts, an orange fitted t-shirt that read "I'm Spoiled!" in navy blue writing, and some navy blue sandals to match. Baby girl looked hot and innocent at the same time. I had to see what was up. So my first instinct was to whistle. I saw her glance over at me and my homeboys and noticed her and the two chicks she was with were giggling but they pushed right past us like they didn't see us. That wasn't normal for a Decatur female. I didn't know how to take that shit. All the females wanted Chase. And the ones that knew they couldn't get next to me hollered at my homeboys just to say we were affiliated. So a female dissing my acknowledgement of her in a public place was both baffling and irritating. I had never seen this girl before and everything about her, including the diss, let me know she was someone I needed to know more about. I had to find out who she was before she left the mall, that's all I knew.  Turns out she was the cousin of one of my classmates at McArthur so I was able to get the digits and the rest is history. She's been my baby for 1 year and 5 months. My first official girlfriend.

When I look back over the last year and a half, I realize how much I really and truly love this girl. She's held me down through some crazy shit. Right after she moved here to go to school I got caught up in a robbery case and had to do a 60 day stint in the county. The fucked up part is I didn't even do the robbery. Someone lied and gave the police my name based on the description of being 5'9", wearing all black, and size 10 1/2 pair of the new Black and Red Jordan releases. They were only able to charge me bc the shoe size matched. But I kept telling the sorry ass detective it wasn't me. Finally DNA testing proved that I was telling the truth. Hell, I wasn't a robber, I'm was a hustler! I'm still a hustler. I've been hustling since I was 13 to help my moms out around the house. Racqui knew that I was a hustler. She knew I was innocent on that robbery shit too. And she held me down throughout the whole ordeal. Yeah, it was only 60 days but she could have easily decided it wasn't worth the wait and started kicking it with one of these lame ass niggas. But she didn't… she remained loyal. Then another time I was hustling on the corner  near Division St in the hood and three punk ass niggas in all black with ski masks jumped me, robbed me, and stole my gold fronts. They knew they couldn't handle me head up so they snuck upon me on my way home. To this day, I think my nigga Lloyd set that shit up. That's why we don't rock like we use to. But my baby Racqui was right there at the hospital and she came to see me at the crib every day until I got better. The best part is I'm not the only one who loves her. All my sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, and most importantly my mom love Racqui. The first day she came over they all showed up to see who this girl was I was so excited about. And just like me, they fell in love at first site. I think the thing that's most impressive about Racqui for me is that she's still a virgin. All these tricks around here been fucking since they were 12 and 13. Half of Decatur has ran through them… probably two times. But this one right here is all mines and I'm proud to say that. It's hard as hell though because I want to make love to her so bad. I just want to be sure that it's done right. She said she wouldn't give it up until she found the perfect guy and that it had to be special, not random. I want to make sure that she's comfortable and truly ready before I take her virginity. She keeps pressing me though because are her hot ass cousins are fucking already. We agreed that we would wait until she was 18 since that's when her mother lost her virginity. My baby turned 18 last month and she reminds me every chance she gets.  I keep telling her to wait but I can tell she's starting to get insecure about my loyalty to her. She asked the other day if she could trust me. She's never asked me that before so I figured I needed to come up with a plan. I hit my sister Tae up, gave her the scoop, and ask what should I do. She asked me if I really loved Racqui and I told her, "Without a doubt". She asked me where did I see my relationship with Racqui in five years. I replied, "Married!" without hesitation. She told me marriage was a serious commitment at 18 years old but if I was serious about it she would help me. So I've been hustling for the past three weeks to get my money all the way right. My deadline is Valentines Day. I have a nice surprise planned for Racqui when she comes to visit me next week. I can't wait to see the look on her face.