It’s 6:15am and at this point I think I have already hit snooze five times. I keep my alarm clock set so that when it goes off I hear Hot 96.3 blaring a banging song to get me going but I’m not feeling this shit today. I’m tired. For one, it’s Monday Morning. For two, I’m still recovering from last night. Almost every Sunday night I go to Skateland, Naptown’s Westside Skating rink, with my girl Jonelle. Adult skate night is always off the chain on Sundays. We get there around 10pm and leave around 1am. We get high off a joint before we go and spend the whole time with me holding on to her pants, her telling me don't make her fall, laughing at other people looking retarded on wheels, and taking breaks in the middle of the skate floor in the seated area where the non-skaters dance. Before heading home, we go post up at the gas station on the corner of 38th and High School Rd to see the cute broke dudes and the female’s trying to catch one or block the next chick from being successful. Every now and again, a baller or two will come through to show off his rimmed up whip or blast his new sound system. That shit doesn't impress me though because my baby, Chase, is all the man I need. Besides his baby blue Chevy Capris with the gold flakes and the gold Dayton's is pissing on all these niggas around here. Add that to the fact that he's fine, can dress his ass off, and loves him some Racqui and my desire for any of these lames niggas around here is non-existent to say the least. Anyway, 38th Street was jumping, as usual, but our homeboy Davion talked us into riding out east. The other spot after the rink was on the east side at the White Castle on 38th and Shadeland. Jonelle and I both knew we had to be at work by 7:30am the next day but our hot asses just had to try and hit the strip. Little did we know, our ride would be cut short when some punk ass dudes decide they want to do a drive by and shoot at a car right next to us. We were both caught off guard but my girl reacted with God speed. She whipped that 4-door black Tracker around the median for a sharp u-turn and got us the hell out of dodge. I didn't know those little jeeps could get up like that! Once we were out of harms way we laughed about it like we did everything else. But on some real shit, I was shook like a muthafucka. With all that excitement and finally making it home at 2:45am getting up to go work at this bank with these fake ass white people, and the one other black bitch that wishes she was white, is not what I'm in the mood for today. I'm gong to drag my ass in though because I need to make this car payment next week. I don't need nothing less than 80 hours for this pay period by Friday.
As I'm brushing my teeth, I look at myself and replay the conversation Jonelle and I had last night on the way to Skateland. Her and Leland, her boyfriend of 2 years, had finally had sex over a month ago. Now that she's done it a half-dozen times she thinks she's a pro. Jonelle was a virgin like me but she knew that this was the person she wanted to give her innocence to. But just last year, my cousin, Nattie had sex for the first time with her boyfriend and now she's pregnant. She got me spooked. Getting pregnant on the first time?? Hell no! I can't deal with having no baby at 18! Fuck that! I graduated a year early so that I could get out on my own and enjoy life, go to college, and make some money. I'm not down with trading all that in for some Pampers and baby milk. Hell to the fuck no! But listening to Nattie and Jonelle describe to me what it's like has my hormones going crazy. My mama always told me that sex was something sacred and special. It should feel magical and special and something I only share with the person who is worthy of my most prized possession. Chase was that guy. That was not something that I had to question. He came into my life when I was battling one of the most difficult situations I have ever had to deal with. Two years ago, at the age of 16, my high school sweetheart was killed in a tragic car accident. I had a crush on him since the 2nd grade and he finally asked me to be his girlfriend February 13, 1994 on the stairwell of Scott Manor Apartments. Brandon was my very best friend. We talked every night on the phone. Sometimes we would be on the phone whispering and taking turns going to sleep until it was time for school the next day. During school he would walk me to each of my classes and after school he would walk me home from the bus stop. He was allowed to come to my house and visit with me either at the kitchen table or in the front yard. My mama didn't play none of that boys in the room type of business. But she wasn't super strict like his parents. Because I was not a Jehovah's Witness, they didn't approve of our relationship. It wasn't until his passing on June 26, 1995 that his mother and father acknowledged me and the love that Brandon and I had for one another. I grieved in seclusion the entire summer. That August my mom decided we would go to Decatur IL to visit her family for the weekend of their city celebration. It was during that weekend that I met Chase. We saw each other at the same time but I had to play it cool. I walked right past him and his friends at the corn dog stand without giving any indication that I had peeped his smooth chocolate skin, pretty white teeth with the golds in his grill, his swag in his overall shorts, one strap down, powder blue t-shirt, and white NC visor flipped upside down on his head. When I came back by he hissed. I guess the thirsty ass chicks in Decatur answer hisses but my mama and great grandma always told me that horns and hisses are for whores so I kept it moving. After following me to the other end of the mall, it turns out he knew my cousin. We met up later at the celebration and exchanged numbers… the rest is history. Chase didn't replace Brandon, but he made me feel safe to love again. I talked my mama into letting me go to school in Decatur so that I could graduate a year early (and be with Chase) and we spent the entire school year with broads and niggas trying to break us up. Every female in town wanted Chase. He was fly, kept money, knew how to dance better than most females, and had a lovable personality. I was the new fish on the market with long hair, mocha skin, a slim waist, and light brown eyes. We were both fly in our own right. Being together was easy. Just like Brandon and I, we talked every day and every night. We stayed on the phone until the wee hours of the morning. He'd get out of school at McArthur and be at Eisenhower in time to walk me home. The females hated that shit. They would walk behind me in the mornings and talk to their homegirl as loud as possible telling her how Chase was at her house last night or they were on the phone or he bought her this. I never responded because I knew that if he wasn't with me we were on the phone… so I had no worries. When he would show up and say hi to them and then kiss me I would eat that shit up. I loved it. The finally gave up. At this point, we've been together for 1 year and 5 months, I turned 18 as of two months ago, and I'm horny. But he keeps telling me we aren't ready. Most niggas I know was trying to take the pussy when I wasn't ready and now that I am ready I can't even give the pussy away to my own boyfriend of almost 2 years no matter how hard I try. I don't want peer pressure to control one of the biggest decisions of my life but according to the stories I'm getting from Jonelle and Nattie, masturbation does no justice in relation to the feeling of having sex for the first time. And supposedly, each time is better than the last. Chase and I gotta sit down and figure this thing out… ASAP!
To be cont...
Write Out Loud ~ Scroll Diaries
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